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streams of thought

I am trying real hard, but it feels like I am not.

I am an asshole sometimes.

Yes I do notice even if I play like I don't. I know it is preferred.

Can you be so used to being alone that you just stop trying.

Is this the literary equivalent of ransom?

I want to get into a fight.... a knockdown drag out, bleeding knuckles, feeling like your alive sort of fight.

There are days work drives me crazy and there are days it makes really happy.

Ever feel alone in a crowd?

I am a different person at work than I am when hanging out. Sometimes I forget I am not at work.

I am not completely okay, but I am doing better.

Why is there so much anger over such minor things?

Why am I not angry over something?

Still looking for my missing passion.

Breathing.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
caudelac
Dec. 17th, 2008 05:32 am (UTC)
I would've much rather been snarking with you at work today than being sick and miserable. I do hope me ribbing you betimes hasn't been in the way of overdoing it lately.

Just thought I'd say.
technoir
Dec. 17th, 2008 12:40 pm (UTC)
Your fine. This is just something I used to do a lot. streams of thought sometimes kick start my brain. Also it is cathartic. Nothing to worry about though.
fireshaper87
Dec. 17th, 2008 06:36 am (UTC)
I am trying real hard, but it feels like I am not. To whom?

I am an asshole sometimes. We all are. You are not alone.

Yes I do notice even if I play like I don't. I know it is preferred. I feel that I am missing something here.

Can you be so used to being alone that you just stop trying. Yes, and that's usually when you find someone.

Is this the literary equivalent of ransom? Probably, but we love you and don't mind.

I want to get into a fight.... a knockdown drag out, bleeding knuckles, feeling like your alive sort of fight. See if there's a Krav Maga studio near you. It's the martial arts they teach to the Israeli Defense Force, and (at least at the studio I go to) they actually expect you to beat the craqp out of each other.

There are days work drives me crazy and there are days it makes really happy. You have no idea how much I sympathize with you. I work at JoAnn's Fabrics. We just went through Halloween, then Black Friday (which for us was Black Weekend), plus all the people who want to get fabric to decorate their house for holiday parties. I sympathize completely

Ever feel alone in a crowd? Yes. When this happens I generally attempt to find a somewhat secluded area. Surprisingly enough, actually being alone helps. (for me anyway...)

I am a different person at work than I am when hanging out. Sometimes I forget I am not at work. Sometimes I forget that I am at work.

I am not completely okay, but I am doing better. Good. *hugs*

Why is there so much anger over such minor things? Because humans are petty, and always believe that the other person is wrong.

Why am I not angry over something? Because, in general, it's anger or depression, not both.

Still looking for my missing passion. That's the problem with being told about "destiny" and "Happily Ever After" as an impressionable youngster. You tend to believe they're true and will find you.


Breathing. Well, you damned well better be!
technoir
Dec. 17th, 2008 12:38 pm (UTC)
This is just a random string of thoughts. Things I didn't say or thoughts that hit me. I do it as an exercise and a bit of catharsis. I am not in fact overly depressed. Just a lot of random things floating around.
pleroma
Dec. 17th, 2008 01:41 pm (UTC)
Now you need to figure out why all these things are happening. Once you know the why, if you don't like this aspect of yourself, you can move on from it.
technoir
Dec. 17th, 2008 04:01 pm (UTC)
The why is easy. I am human.
pleroma
Dec. 17th, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
Easy way out answer.

I tend to use "they are only human" to forgive people. When I'm trying to figure out why I did something, I don't let myself off the hook. I impale myself on the metaphorical situation and try to understand what the beast of my own creation is that's going through my guts is.

Otherwise, you are never really growing like you could be if you give yourself the easy way out.
sweetjabberwock
Dec. 17th, 2008 03:44 pm (UTC)
It's amazing how you can meet a new person, read something like this, and realize you have a lot more in common with them than previous conversations could have indicated.
technoir
Dec. 17th, 2008 04:05 pm (UTC)
It tend to internalize things. It is occasionally good to let things out though.
bichee_face
Dec. 19th, 2008 03:03 am (UTC)
I'll tackle this one point by point.

I am trying real hard, but it feels like I am not. :
Why does it feel like you're not? Really pick through it. When I'm trying, but feel like it's not enough, it's either that I've dumped too much on myself or am not, in fact, pushing myself like I could be.

I am an asshole sometimes.
Yep. We are all flawed. I think that it builds. I think it's something everyone (including myself) should keep in check better - the world would be a better place and we could give peace a chance and all that. Ultimately, you just have to throw yourself into doing better, or at least, that's the best answer I've come up with thus far.

Yes I do notice even if I play like I don't. I know it is preferred.
Me too - the dust bunnies are at it again.

Can you be so used to being alone that you just stop trying.
Well, technically this is a question, not a statement. That aside, yes, you can, and it's VERY healthy to be happy with being alone. It's cliche, but you have to be happy by yourself, because adding someone else to that equation won't really improve things in the long run.

Is this the literary equivalent of ransom?
Ten sentences or the kitten gets it!

I want to get into a fight.... a knockdown drag out, bleeding knuckles, feeling like your alive sort of fight.
May I volunteer Clay? I'll keep score.

There are days work drives me crazy and there are days it makes really happy.
Same here. Most days are a combination of both. I think this is pretty typical. I think we should have some kind of aggro-reduction methods though for when one of us is getting overstimulated and annoyed (admit it - we all get that way).

Ever feel alone in a crowd?
Yeah. Probably because they used to give me panic attacks. I still hate them.

I am a different person at work than I am when hanging out. Sometimes I forget I am not at work.
You are. I like the not-work McCoy better. Make bidness McCoy more like him. :-p

I am not completely okay, but I am doing better.
No one is completely okay. Functionality is the goal, and you clearly have that, so everything else is cake.

Why is there so much anger over such minor things?
Because we live in a society where we're never really taught to express aggression in positive ways, only that aggression itself is bad. Well, that and they really don't bring us enough tasty treats at work.

Why am I not angry over something?
Idk, but I can come over there and piss you off or something if it'll make you feel better.

Still looking for my missing passion.
I can't help with this, only encourage you. Coming from someone who's career goal is forensics because the living suck, a lack of advice is probably a good thing.

Breathing.
Eleven of ten medical professionals recommend it.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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