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I have seen one version of hell. Hell can be being strapped down, cathetered, with two tubes going down your throat. You can talk. You cant move. You cant go to the bathroom on your own. You cant eat. You cant tell people your in hell. People will talk to you like your a child but your mind is intact. Your framily will stare at you helpless and beg your patience and tell you to hold in there and get better, as if tell you this somehow made this easier. I have seen hell because my grandmother has been in hell for the third day now.

When I am there I try not to let the emotions out. I try and be the stoic one. the one who is calm and reasonable. I try and be the one people can lean on. I want to scream at my aunt and unkle for talking about DNR 4 hours after they intabated her. I want to scream at my aunt for saying grandma will never come out of this. I want to tear the head off the nurse who talks to my grandmother like she is 4. But I put all that in a box untill I get home. I cant let my feelings get in the way of doing what is needed. I hate this. I want my grandmother back.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
hapersmion
Aug. 7th, 2006 01:43 pm (UTC)
:(
virtualmel
Aug. 7th, 2006 01:59 pm (UTC)
Don't bottle it up for too long hon. It'll make you sick.
*hugs* Remember you're not alone.

I do understand what you're feeling. I went through something similar with my father when I was little. My prayers are with you and your grandmother.
fireshaper87
Aug. 7th, 2006 02:29 pm (UTC)
Been there, done that, never wanted the t-shirt
If you feel the need to rant, bitch, yell, or be angry at someone who won't take it out on you later, call me. If you don't have my number e-amil me now at fireshaper87@yahoo.com so that I can give it to you, and you'll have it when it's needed.
bad_grief
Aug. 7th, 2006 03:30 pm (UTC)
*hug*

I don't know what else to say.
tomdpimp
Aug. 7th, 2006 04:13 pm (UTC)
I know exactly what you are feeling. I've been there several times when my dad took many ups and downs for three years. It is hard and painful. There are a lot feeling that must not be bottled up. Feel free to talk to me, cause I here for you man!
yarha
Aug. 7th, 2006 05:24 pm (UTC)
As other have said, 'been there'. Also accept that you are not alone in dealing with this and everyone deals with it in their own way.

Yarha
guardian_4ngel
Aug. 7th, 2006 06:13 pm (UTC)
I wish there was something we could do to help.. if so let us know.

I'll keep you both in my prayers.
forestblend
Aug. 7th, 2006 06:36 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry, my friend. Deeply sorry. I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but I have no doubt it is a small piece of personal hell for you.

Your friends surround you and support you, and all you need do is reach out if you need help.
outlawcoon
Aug. 8th, 2006 01:05 am (UTC)
I'm sorry. I want your grandmother back (for you) too.
smiths_hammer
Aug. 8th, 2006 03:15 am (UTC)
*HUGS* :-(
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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