July 22nd, 2004

For all my Trap Rogues

This is for my gamer pals. If you have not read this before you should and you can find a copy at www.marentha.com

Excerpted from the diary of Haran Roeh

" Yea, I got it. I got the best trap idea yet here, baby. The Big D loves this one, he loves it! He says, "If you are going to hire a traps man, you hire the best, you hire Haran Roeh," and I say, "Do I not know it. You should not be a traps man unless you cannot see yourself ever doing anything else, and I can't, baby, I cannot, so I am a traps man, and BOOM! You better watch out because I am backed by milord Drax! Yea, King Drax forever, baby!"

Very well, very well, so you take The Thing, whatever it is that you do not want nobody to get. You put The Thing on another thing, a big flat plate and put that in a box or build this into the floor, so they can't see the bottom. This is best if it is a small thing that looks like a big thing. You put The Thing on that other thing and that other thing balances on a spring, baby, a weight-sensitive spring, like a scale. Then you put the trap trigger between the plate of the scale and the springing mechanism, and put high explosives in there. They come over, they lift up The Thing, and BOOM! It is gone. Now, depending on what The Thing is and how vengeful you are, you can make this a double fire trap. If they got a Fire Shield, even this will get 'em, or you can make it an explosive trap and they are done, put a fork in 'em. The only problem with the explosive trap is that you lose The Thing in the explosion, whatever it was anyhow.

So I have this vision, you set this in a room where it is difficult to get through, not just because of the traps, but you have to bend and twist a lot. If this is a big Thing on the pedestal, then they are done. Even if they get past my weight trap, then whatever the bendy twisty thing - ooh! Ooh! Yea, blades, baby, rotating blades of death! That'll get 'em. I love rotating blades of death. I sleep easier at night just knowing they exist."