May 25th, 2005

(no subject)

I dont want anyone to think this is asking for sympathy pr pity. I try to not be that person. I dont always succeed but I try.

But fucking enough already!!!

Aparently my student loan got away from me. The how is not important. Hell I am almost the same person any more. But somewhere in the shuffle of life it got lost. more than a decade out of school they took my tax return which is is I guess as it should be. They have that ability after all. It sucked but there you go. I called the Department of education and asked them to send me the information on it. This information got turned over to a collection agency. They called friday while I was out and left a message. I just got the message today cause my roommate just got back in to town. I called. I want to start trying to fix this. Immediately the woman begins in with threat of 15% garnishment of my wages. That if i dont pay her now the process will be filed friday at 3. I tried to get her to call me back friday when i get paid. She says no that is unacceptable. I will be calling her tommorrow to arrange payment of some kind. The studently loan after interest is more than 3,908 dollars. I still have a pile of medical bills i am trying to wade through. So many infact I have lost track with how much I need to pay. The funny part was i was going to sit down friday afternoon and go thru everything. Oh and my insurance is going to cost more now as well. I am trying to do it right. I am trying to make it all fit. Damn it. Why wont it work.

edit: Also my bank account is in the hole.

for 4 and a half years now I have been trying to climb out of the hole. 4 years since i was homeless and living in my car and borrowing friends couches from time to time. Yet everytime I think have got a handle on things something else happens. What is it going to take? Do I have to fucking die. Sometimes it feels like it would be fucking easier.

But no, before anyone thinks I have gone suicidal relax. i am not stupid or a coward. I will keep trudging along but damn it when is it enough. Cant i have my life too? Look here is my deal with fucking universe either give a break or fucking do me in.

I am done.

TechNoir
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