September 14th, 2005


Tonight is symbolic. At least it has been bring to mind symbols for me. Iconic words that roll through my mind are kind of driving me crazy.


The notion of names has been bugging me. Names have power of course. They are descriptors for the world. They give definition to the world. What is an apple to us with out its name. An apple still but we could not remember it really the same. Think about the word apple. Say it and picture it and you taste it. You smell it. It has reality in the name. Can you have a town without a name? What Atlanta be with out its name? Or Knoxville?Or New Orleans? Some have more power than others. Who can hear New Orleans and not evoke an image of those tight European style streets and the heat and the street players hocking their meager skill? In some of the traditions of the occult a true name gives something or someone essence. Maybe it is the name god or the universe knows you as. To have someones true name is to have power over them if you know the way to use it. Today the world tries to reduce those names to numbers but it is still names which give the holder a measure of influence. If I come to you and say your name you will react differently than if I were a stranger saying miss or sir. If I have your social security number, then i have access to a door that is your information. The things that describe you. This all started in my head cause I realized than none of my friends now know my true name i was born with. There may be a handful of people in the world who do and almost all of them are family. I am not certain I know what to think of this. Did i deliberately do that or did it just happen. Most of you know me as McCoy. Would I be different if my name were Robert or Holbert? Maybe we take nick names as a way of protecting ourselves. Or maybe we do it because it is the person we want to be. Call me McCoy because this is my name that gives me power. I don't know. To be honest I am not certain I know many of your real names either. Does that make less of a friend or one? Like I said it is stuff that will drive you mad if you let it roll in your head. I should stop rambling now but I thought I would put my madness on the page for now. Who knows how or why? Best not to think to long sometimes. But still....

Do you know my name?