November 20th, 2005

Oroborus

(no subject)

the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation.

Some times i think Thoreau may have writen that for me. The escepades of car replacement have been a test of my patience. So I had supposedly made arangements to take the ford windstar belonging to my aunt. I was going to be paying 100 bucks a month for 18 months for it. not to bad really. I made the appropriate promises and was all set to take possession this weekend. At the eleventh hour this disappeared. It was decided she could not part with it after all. She needed it for her son in 2 years when he is old enough to drive. I cant fault her for it or grandma for making the deal.

So this afternoon was spent car shopping. Nothing quite so satisfying as being told i cant get credit without a cosigner or paying 30% of the cost of a vehicle for me to get the credit. Right now it looks like Tim, my moms husband, is going to pay a little more than 6000 dollars up front for me to get a 2000 saturn wagon. I am paying him back in installments but it does not make me feel like any less of a heel. I am 32 going on 33 here in a few weeks. I shouldn't have to need this kind of help. Hell if it were the first time I needed this kind of help i wouldn't feel so bad but it sadly isn't. Meanwhile my grandparents grumble about the money they put in repairing my other car and all I can get for it is like 200 dollars in sale. I cant hold on to it. It will take roughly 1800 dollars to fix it to an acceptable level and even then it will be just buying time for a year. maybe not even that. It is 15 years old and well over 200,000 miles approaching 300,000.

sigh

okay I am done venting. Pay it no mind. Tommorrow is another day. This too will pass. I aint dead and i will survive this like every other test. Just feeling frustrated and ineffectual right now.

night all.