March 7th, 2006

(no subject)

So I found my self walking amongst old friends this weekend. Some of which I had not been around in years. They were in a time for cheer and I was happy for them. I walked back into that world and strode like a ghost. I felt like someone who had dies and moved along in there lives as a memory of who I was. A faint memory in some cases and fondly remembered friend in others. It was a strange and sad sensation. Dont get me wrong now i was deeply happy to be there for my friends and they are still my friends. I just find that I had a hard time connecting with folks I once found it easy to tell my problems and share my hopes with. I wonder if it it is time and distance that did this or the crowds of people around them wishing them well. Am i so removed from their lives now? that thought makes me sad. I suspect part of it is the folks I did not know. It takes me a while or some drink to relax around crowds of people I dont know.

Still one of my hang ups(and I have so many) is loosing people. I hate moving away and loosing touch with people and vice versa. My big thing is stability. Being homeless for a while will make you value that. People are the terrain in my world and when that terrain suddenly leaves it just is not easy for me to deal with.

Oh well enough of my self conscious ramblings. I return you to the non McCoy being self indulgent twit world. Tip your waitress on your way out.