March 31st, 2006

notes to psyche

The only constant in the world is change. Nothing is static. Nothing is permanent. Why does knowing this not comfort me.

I would be rather be fighting hordes of villains than go to work everyday. I would rather face torture than another phone call from a customer. Having an interesting life is said to be a curse. I could do with a good curse right now.

I am occassionally interested in what people think of me. I would rather have someone tell me to my face I am an ass than have them do it behind my back. Am I sanctimonious? Am I a villain? Am I saint? Then other days i dont give a damn.

My friends are everything to me. If they enter my heart I would walk through fire for them with a smile. With a frown I might take a bullet for a stranger.

I hold my own council often. If you really want to know whats on my mind ask. To often I have seen folks assume they knew and were wrong.

I am not the sort of guy people fall for. I am the sort that if nothing else people become comfortable with.

I dont write enough. I should work on that.

Still not king.

I think the world does not make sence no matter how you try and make it, but you have to try. I think people need to make the attempt or go mad.

Mozzarts requiem is good music. So is Johny Cash. Strangely I think actually they would get along.

My but the lady is stunning.

I dont dance and I deny any who say otherwise.

I have been thinking of giving something of myself to peace. But what if I have nothing to give?

Why cant I wake up? Why cant I scream?

All in all I try and be a good man. That is all a man can do but try. I take responsability for my life. I try to make ammends for my mistakes.

I am a fool for my heart. Let me be a fool then and be damned. It makes me happier that way anyway.

(no subject)

For those who might be interested.

I am done playing mortimer. I found a while back I was not enjoying playing him much anymore. Some characters are very much a product of their setting and the people they interact with. Mortimer Underhill was one of those. In many ways he was my favorite character I have ever played. He had complexity and subtlety and was entertaining at the same time. He also was very different from what people would expect and that is always a strange and fun place to play in. The ultimate death flunky had is his run and did mighty deeds. Sadly as the people I played with stopped playing I started to not have fun anymore. The stories he was part of twisted, turned, and went away. The world he was created to fit into no longer exists.

To make matters worse I NEVER never liked the system of nero. I never liked the fact that the game world was so indistinct. I never enjoyed levels and hit points. I never liked money for xp and cookie cutter ritual systems. I played through these things cause I enjoyed the character and the story that tyrangel had when I started. I tried playing in different chapters. He did not fit in. He was a heroic character with a world around him filled with shady and down right evil heroes. he just did not belong and he knew and I think everyone around him knew it as well. I will always enjoy the memories I have of the character and the cool stories he was in. I have found and happy memories of all the people I met and played with as him and they are still my friends. But rather than leave that lingering I am simply going to say I am done. I may play he one more time to retire but thats it. I am sad about it but better to end it than leave it as some lingering thing.

oh well
And Marentha.