Most of you reading these rules are familiar with role playing; your older brother was "into" it in high school, some of your friends said they "did" it in their basement when their parents were away on vacation in Chippawa Falls, your Uncle Jerry got "sentenced to twenty with no parole" for it a couple of years back, or perhaps you've been tempted by the magazines and odd paraphernalia on the dust-blanketed shelves of a comic book store. You've even seen "gamers" in school, standing in strange cabalistic knots in the corner of the lunchroom, chirping giddily about the mysteries of "petrification saves." Watching them, you were frightened, disgusted, yet secretly longing to understand, if only to find out what "Thieves Cant" was.
Well, no longer need you live in fear of becoming a universally loathed, shambling social pariah. Now you may at last feel free to join them, because not only has gaming recently achieved astonishing new heights of popularity, there is one game almost everybody plays: FREEBASE.
Who do we mean by "everybody"? We mean everybody. Your friends. Your family. The postman. Look in the next room. See your mom there? She's playing. Do you think she'd let you live here for three years past when you quit college if she wasn't waiting for you to figure it out? Think about it. We've all been waiting for you. Join us. We can't play without you.
HOW TO BEGIN
We will start play tomorrow morning, so put on a pot of coffee, stay up and read these rules again and again. It is very important that you memorize every word because any rules infraction will result in your being asked to leave the game. You will not be given another copy. When you have adequately dedicated the following to memory, set your alarm for 7:45 EST, swallow the pills enclosed with this pamphlet, and get some sleep. When you wake up, you will be in the world of FREEBASE -- you may notice the remarkable similarity to your own world, but don't be alarmed, just enjoy. Don't pack anything but what you can stuff in your pockets (suggestions for first level equipment will be given later) and you'll be ready to begin. Now, to signify to other players that yu have joined the game, touch a match to this booklet and set fire to the drapes, couch, and rug (creative players wake extra early to venture into their basement for proper accelerants). Head out the door, and you're on your way (don't worry about waking your family -- remember, they're in on this too, and will have prepared in advance). Now when you see other incidents of "arson", you can rejoice in knowing that it is just another player entering the adventurous and fun filled world of FREEBASE!! Also, make sure this booklet burns completely,