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The wit and wisdom of Terry Pratchett


Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Terry Pratchett


Give a man a fire and keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he will be warm for rest of his life.

Terry Pratchett


I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.

Terry Pratchett



It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.

Terry Pratchett


Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.

Terry Pratchett


That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?"

Terry Pratchett


The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

Terry Pratchett


God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"


The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

Terry Pratchett, "Hogfather", footnote


Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods" (1992)


In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded.

Terry Pratchett, (on the big bang theory)


Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

Terry Pratchett, Discworld


For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites


The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.

Terry Pratchett, Eric


Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate...

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay


A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.

Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Terry Pratchett, Hogfather


Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

Terry Pratchett, Hogfather


It could not be happening because this sort of thing did not happen. Any contradictory evidence could be safely ignored.

Terry Pratchett, Jingo


It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

Terry Pratchett, Jingo


Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.

Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms


[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.

Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment


Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street- cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.

Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures


If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.

Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures (regarding popcorn)


Revolutions always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions.

Terry Pratchett, Night Watch


Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.

Terry Pratchett, Pyramids


What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"

Terry Pratchett, Pyramids


Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods


Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods


He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods


No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods


When the least they could do to you was everything, then the most they could do to you suddenly held no terror.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods


Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say "Enter", don't stop to pack.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods


"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."

Terry Pratchett, Sourcery- More quotations on: [Cats]


Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".

Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic


A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant


Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it.

Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent


There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

Terry Pratchett, The Truth


The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.

Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
ikara_fox
Oct. 19th, 2006 02:02 pm (UTC)
This made my day :)
yarha
Oct. 19th, 2006 02:05 pm (UTC)
Yah, he's pretty good with the bon mot.

Yarha, Who Has All the Books or Nearly
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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